I'm a failure

I'm starting to realize just how much I fail at being a house wife. My neighbor was talking to Hubs the other day and mentioned that I could water the grass (something I"ve offered to do on many occasions and did a lot last year) that he just put in. He found a truck load or more of fresh sod for free! Anyway I guess his response was that I can't even take care of my own garden.

I know I haven't done much to it, this year. Really nothing other than plant and harvest. He's done all the weeding. But to be fair, I had a baby only 2 months ago. In retrospect I shouldn't have done a garden at all this year. I was really just trying to please my dad who bought me seeds and two raised beds. He bought me several packs of lettuce seeds, which I discovered are pretty bitter tasting, and I planted four varieties, along with some carrots. I had meant to plant corn, but was delivering a baby the day I had set aside for that ;)

Anyway, I'm no longer sitting on my bum all day. With my migraine that I had last night, I finished up diaper laundry (well kind of, stripping diapers is a long process), turned down help in the kitchen and cleaned. I scrubbed the toilet too. Tonight I'm pulling everything, and I do mean everything out of the garden.

I think for gardening I'll take it slow next year. Just add a bit more soil to my beds, and add some weed killer and then just keep it weeded. If I can manage that, then maybe the following year I"ll add some plants.

I've been using the baby excuse for a lot lately and I need to stop it. I've been sleeping too much, well considering I'm an insomniac that is. After all, I go to bed at 10, wake up only 3 times a night for the baby and have to be up no later than 8 every morning. I should be able to handle that right? I only work 6 hours, three days a week, watching 5 children in addition to my own two. I'm only trying to manage the two kids I have for the time they're both awake. Usually I have at least an hour that I could be up scouring floors or doing laundry or something right?

Why am I such a failure at this? Why is this so hard for me? All I've ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom and keep a household like on leave it to beaver. But I loose my temper at my kids too often, scream too loudly at them, don't get any housework done some days.

I'd like to be able to find some time to exercise too, if that's even possible. I want to look my best for Hubs, but if I can't afford good healthy food, I need to be exercising. Where's that time going to come from?